crystals and seeds -droolbased impro pieteaze

 29/10 ---- 12Seed ------ k64 ---- 12/04: {lot}
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKIkKGSvBI8
RGra



pretty soon after the start of covoID i ragged on the ease of fungibility for 'fear-fed feminant' straytsjekkittin measures [s]hittin on all sizes, creeds, kith, kin, kind and unkind alike. In terms of astronomical odds, some gods only some gods, not necessarily the same set, know i've been tryin to tone n dial my messiah complex back n down, calm my nuts, reign'm in but a 'mere' poster child is bad enuff in these mostt awful of all time CONscripts.
. Safer to assume there's no fitin this flood and save breath. 

But .. play it safe hasn't really shaped my life .. and not realizing how badly my gambles can go 'nach hinten los' until it happens multiplies the horror of it .. it fact it shocked me into catatony several times before i managed to focus .. then i had to contend with my prime impulse in good times as well as bad obviously, to zoom out ... but now life threatening .. cause as i plotted out all complicity, figuratios and figurantards nobody made an effort to cure me.
Let me say a few words on what led to that first:
i suspect that 'i' just may have been the safety pin puller and not the secure keeper ... the inverse of that dyke fingrin dutchkid [a parallel to my psiQollapse, this global dambreak into suffershowmanshop oppage shown like no show to date ever got decloseted yet ... 
Just as the vulnerabiliity doctrine [which 'down to hell's depth' saviour complex, along with 'what can't kill me makes me stronger' type riskbizbuzz goes after, comes for and gains the immunity advantage from] comes at a staggering price#, so the wages of this 'volizionizing' are nothing less than paradise restored. 
# == [It seems to spark wholesale slaughter of journalists and all that other stuff u'r on about, right?]

the first version of the above was up for nearly half a day but that never harms me cause it's all one big ripening process ... not the predatorlike shite that goes on at kiwifarms.

the ravages of unsaids
i mean i took a huge chance despite or perhaps even TO spite the small voice in the back of my mind ... the surfacing version of which was the reply: 
well, i don't wanna live in a world where this is not just possible but unpunished, let alone prevented, anyway .... never dismiss your own warning system as paranoia
in a recoil from my own cringe dejected autorejeczionism and 'paranophobia' i pretended it never happened until i was literally aware of much more than distant death's door, it's contours magnifying to a size i could easily fit thru, after many nites of being doubled over with the cramps caused by the destruction of intestinal biota glyphosate given free reign wreaks ... cause ......

 sure enuff, my doorstep dandelion --[get your straatsteenspleetplant quartet cards at hortus.nl in free pdf]-- got the usual around here [bible belt oldschool windmill delta] - as if i did not exist - from fresh 101 reflexive egofixated bottomrung satanism run neighbours [communicophobes for sure ...dementing hubbie perhaps told to take the round up back to the store cause it was made illegal for 'privates' at almost exactly this time .. or perhaps told to use it up ... was he also told to buy heavy pruning shears to 'defend against' my 'more legit greenery' .. a head of roses i let grow over their side of the fence ... perhaps? And was OFfence taken from that {{{{{{'ergens giftig van worden' == something irksome}}}}}} to attack my 'weed' {onkruid in dutch, a cunttree where 'onmenselijk' is onwenselijk -undesirable- but the word 'onmens' is a nono .. too 'indecent' .. the construct reserved for animals to denote their 'verminity' ... talk about twisted reversals and pix pax poxin orders} as a convenient alibi for attacking me?]
i worked on an for exposure of evils as outside hoverer, lightfooted and all. No practice in putting my foot down and remain / maintain standing like my mom. Yet, post her decession sought ways to honour her, stayed in her house instead of escaping this hellscape a second time for good. Almost immediately upon her death in 2013 i began braiding rosehip shoots volunteering on her grave and got a milder version of the disrespect recounted above, from cemetary maintenance [as culmination of 'rule enforcements' of the type one needs to NOT ask and secure explicit consent  for, unlike kisses these days] this year. In this case pruning my efforts all the way down until my protestations and defences managed to get a 3 year run with a most beautiful fruitset this year. a big phat pack of lies later the plant is gone and dead. The graves in this region are among the more pricey ones in the country i have you note. If only i had insisted on speaking to that cunt's superiors. Too late now. i was too unenergetic to put up a fight. Self sabotage from not accepting a new way of life wherein sparest of intake for sparest of output in physical matters, like a Merlin locked into a crystal by a wooquq witch, must handle and be left to weal n deal with what sLight chances i have [guts igots] left after wasting most of them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSBAMX6vxX0
Your Gut Warned You Years Before Diagnosis | Mercola Cellular Wisdom
Dr. Mercola
40 4h ago

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YItoCzerSo0
MiA also on a 'warnings stormop'